Star Warz: Trilogy 1
by The Compendium of Steve
Summary: In the distant year of 2005, one high school spaz wrote up a whacked-out parody starring his friends and containing ludicrous levels of random. That lad would go on to make several more trilogies, each one getting longer and more messed-up, filled with plenty of silliness and blatant copyright infringement. This... is where it began.
1. Episode 1

**Star Wars**

**Episode 0:**

**Fall of the Sith**

_It is a time of stalemate. The Sith and Jedi Councils are at equals with each other. Though the Jedi are greatly outnumbered, The Sith have secluded themselves from galactic notice._

_However both sides are plotting to finish each other off. Yet the conflict is closer to an end then expected, as a major plot is being on one of Mustafar's moon. A plot bound to determine the fate of the galaxy forever..._

(Mustafar moon. Inside spired structure built inside a crater, the Sith council discusses matters at hand. Those in attendance are Darth Pineapple, Sith leader, stout female with plum-colored hair; Darth Mandalor, second-in-command, tall military-built fellow with short cut black hair; Sara, bubbly blonde consort to Mandalor; Darth Pickles, brother to Mandalor, just as tall but more skinny; Darth Strawberry, who has slightly red hair; Darth Stand-In, who is... well, a stand-in. A critical topic is raised.)

Mandalor: Who ate all the Doritos!?

Pineapple: Hush fool! We have more important things at hand.

Strawberry: Yeah, like where our next barbeque/hunting party will be.

Pickles: You know I hear Dathomir is a pretty good place to-

Pineapple: Silence! Barbeques are insignificant at this point! We need to talk of the Jedi threat at hand.

Sara: But there's only 3 of them, right? We shouldn't need to worry, what with Will ready to slaughter

them without remorse.

Mandalor: Sara, I told you not to use that name! It's Darth Mandalor!

Sara: Oh, Will! You're so cute when you're angry.

Pineapple: Enough! Anyways, though low in number, the Jedi are bound to try something outrageous and highly unexpected.

Pickles: Yeah, like sic Yoda on us.

Stand-In: Totally, I mean, something that small flying around is just scary.

Pineapple: Yes, so we must not let it happen again. So back to the discussion at hand, the Jedi are plotting something against us and we don't know where they are.

Mandalor: Why don't we know?

Pineapple: Because my dial-up was too slow to bring up a Jedi search engine.

Mandalor: D**n PeoplePC! High-speed my a**!

Sara: Will! Don't swear you ***!

Mandalor: My ***** name is Mandalor! ****!

Strawberry: Oh you *****!

Stand-In: ******

Mandalor: ! #[mushroom]#!

Pickles: loalllolollloo!

Sara: [words have a box drawn around them] Too hot for TV! ^o^

Pineapple: Enough with the excessive swearing! The FCC is already censoring our Force choke bit!

Stand-In: What force choke bit?

(Pineapple reaches out; raises person in air; person looks on in pain)

Pineapple: That bit!

Stand-In: Ugh... My... nuts..

(Pineapple releases; guy falls to ground; squish noise is made)

Sara: Oh great! You killed another Sith!

Pineapple: All well! We still have more Sith then the Jedi, and it's not like they're plotting more seriously against us in a place within close proximity of us.

(Meanwhile, on a small space ship 200km from Sith headquarters, the Jedi are indeed convening. It is inhabited by Joseph, leader, with good looks and a d*** sexy hairdo; Alexander Copeland, second-in-command, very tall overly serious and with bowl haircut; Squishy, Jawa Jedi, at a height of 2'10")

Copeland: What do we do!? We're greatly outnumbered and the Sith are nearby!

Joseph: Relax. If you recall, we haven't been discovered yet, and the Sith are too busy thinking of themselves to be any trouble.

Copeland: How would you know?

Joseph: You read the opening scenes didn't you?

Copeland: Oh, right.

Squishy: So guys, what do we do about our member-superior counterparts.

Joseph: I suggest we go in all dramatic style, take out the weak ones within seconds of each other, then face off with the leader while being accompanied by a grand orchestral score.

Squishy: Yes, or we can do something outrageous and highly unexpected.

Copeland: What do you mean?

Squishy: Well lately I have been designing a weapon (since I'm the weapons expert for some reason) that is capable of incapacitating our foes, thus allowing us to make quick and easy work of those Sith.

Joseph: What is it? A ysalamiri ray?

Squishy: No but close. It involves animals but of a completely different kind. Think along the lines of pets. Baby pets, at that.

Copeland: You mean puppies!

Squishy: Yes! And kittens as well.

Joseph: Are you mad!? Can we risk sending all those innocent creatures to a sizzling doom!?

Squishy: Don't worry. What kind of horrible monsters would dare kill something so cute and cuddly?

Copeland: They are Sith, you know.

Squishy: We will see. Now, gentlemen, accompany me to the Cutesy Cannon!

(Meanwhile, back at the Sith council)

Pineapple: So fellow evil-doers, do any of you have plans to eliminate the Jedi?

Mandalor: I say screw them and go eat some pie.

Pineapple: No, Mandalor. No pie.

Mandalor: Then the Jedi have already won.

Sara: Will, I don't think anyone's in the mood to listen to Metal Gear Solid parody references.

Mandalore: For the last FUDGING time, MY NAME IS MAN-

(Slow, dramatic, Star Wars preparation music plays)

Strawberry: Hey, where'd that music come from?

Pineapple: Dang composers... Hey, your timing is off, idiots! We haven't thought of anything to do yet!

Sara: Could it be that music's for something else?

Pineapple: Don't be silly, what else could that music be for...

(Pineapple stops; eyes bulge out and looks toward viewscreen; she and others rush to window and stare

in shock at the Jedi space station that's nearing them)

Mandalore: Great bad acting of Episode II! It's the Jedi, and they seem to be preparing something big.

Pineapple: You fools! Your moronic yet uniquely hilarious shenanigans has left us at the mercy of our foes. Now we have to wait in steadily increasing anticipation at our possible impending doom!

(Switch over to control room of space ship. All Jedi are there except Copeland)

Squishy: Cannon is heating up. How long till we reach firing position?

Joseph: T-minus 15 seconds.

Squishy: Copeland! Load the cannon!

(Copeland loads cannon with canisters; various cute sounds are heard)

Copeland: Ammo loaded!

Squishy: We're almost there. Lotioning button-pushing finger.

Joseph: Lotioning!

Squishy: Finger is smooth! Button is hot! Stereos are blaring music! Ready... (5 seconds later) FIRE!

(Multiple canisters fire from station and hit meeting room. Hundreds of puppies and kittens land everywhere.)

Sara: Kittens! My one true weakness!

Pineapple: Blast! That was a most outrageous and highly unexpected. Move. Curses!

(Meanwhile...)

Copeland: I think we caught them off balance.

Joseph: Good! Fire another volley!

Squishy: With pleasure!

(More pets are fired into structure; soon whole place is filled with thousands of kittens and puppies; Sith struggle to escape cuteness)

Pineapple: Ugh, get off me! Dimwits, start slicing already!

Mandalor: I can't. They're Just! Too! CUTE! Gahhhhhhh!

Pickles: Pugs! Huskies! Collies! Tabbies! Siamese! THEY HAVE EVERY FLAVOR!

(Back at the station)

Squishy: Structure shows 100% total cuteness guys!

Copeland: Now I believe we can start Joseph's first plan.

Joseph: To the assault pods!

(Jedi rush to pods while Beach Landing music from FFVIII plays. They leave and eventually crash land by entrance)

Joseph: Alright guys. Let's do this nice and dramatic like.

(Matrix music)

(The Jedi open the doors into the entrance hall all dramatic in slow motion. The hall is covered in puppies and kittens. Eventually a large robot appears out of a pillar's shadow)

?: I am X27ZHD Automated Puppy-and-Kitten Return Security Droid, or Bot for the sake of shortened dialogue captions.

Joseph: Right. Anyways, can you move so we may whup some weakened Sith booty?

Bot: No, I cannot allow you to proceed to the inevitable grand battle upstairs, which is bound to be kick***.

Squishy: Well that doesn't seem very nice!

Bot: Exactly. Now prepare to be schooled with what your mamma gave me last night.

Copeland: You'll die by those words.

Sara: Yeah, let's do this!

Copeland: What are you doing!?

Sara: Well due to some editing errors, I was accidentally part of the Sith. So now I'm on the Light side where I belong!

Joseph: Okay, more for us then.

Squishy: Bring it!

(To Matrix fight music, the Jedi run up and across pillars in Slow-mo while Bot sucks up and fires puppies and kittens at the Jedi.)

Bot: I've been programmed in 270 forms of automated, long-distance ***kicking, so you best stop now, fu's!

(The jumping and dodging continues until Squishy lands in the middle of the hall and in Bot's sights)

Bot: Gotcha!

(In slow-mo and spinning camera Squishy bends before the cuddly pets, then jumps backwards, lands on his back and breakdances in slow-mo to breakdance music.)

Bot: What the..?

(Sara comes up from behind and slices Bot's head off. It lands 50m. away.)

Bot: You guys suck. (Head shuts down)

Sara: Well that was fun.

Copeland: Squishy, I never thought you could pull off a parody and breakdance so fluidly.

Squishy: There are many things you don't know-

Copeland: Stop right there.

(Jedi go into elevator and upwards. Pillars are strewn with live animals. Back to meeting room)

Pineapple: I sense excitement in the audience Force-feedback. The Jedi are here and have pulled off a very accurate parody.

Strawberry: We must prepare the attack.

Pineapple: Right. You move out these creatures of cuteness. Mandalor will brandish the lightsabers. Sara, you can- (Doesn't see Sara) Hey, where is she?

Pickles: Due to editing errors, Sara wasn't supposed to be a Sith. So she switched over and has been replaced with Darth Mousse.

(Appears man with glasses and large, scraggly ginger beard)

Mousse: Long live the Mousse's!

Pineapple: Alright. Now, we must dawn the new curtains and take out the pretty yet breakable pottery and China and prepare for the fight of our lives!

(Later the elevator reaches the top floor and opens. The Jedi rush out and take up positions to look like Charlie's Angels)

Joseph: Enough of that. Let's do this!

(The group walks down hall and enters meeting room. The Sith are waiting with few pets in sight and surrounded by breakable decorations)

Joseph: Ah! Darth Pineapple! I had a feeling you were pulling the strings in this (pauses and looks around) little club of yours.

Pineapple: Mock all you want, you're still no match for the entire Sith council!

Copeland: Come on, Anna, you know as well as us that the weaker of your group will be taken out in a quick and orderly fight sequence with you outnumbered but still the true challenge in this whole film.

Pineapple: Maybe so, but we might actually take out a few of you to make it more even. Also, my name is Pineapple! Pineapple!

Sara: Dream on, ANNA! Your group is going down.

Pineapple: Ooh, I'll have much pleasure in taking you out!

(The two sides start fighting. The people move in all directions breaking pottery and searing curtains while crisscrossing lightsabers in a flashy display. Eventually Copeland and Joseph take out Strawberry and Squishy flashes his lightsaber across Pickles' chest.)

Pickles: (Collapsing in slow-mo and screaming dramatically) NOOOOOOOOOO! My nipples! (Falls down dead)

Pineapple: Blast! We lost Pickles! Mousse, me and Mandalor will make our big escape. You hold them back.

Mousse: Aye, aye, my overly-serious lady!

(Pineapple & Mandalor run off. Mousse is confronted by the Jedi)

Mousse: Ha! Are you ready to face the power of the Potato Chip Orgy!

Copeland: What?

Mousse: You dare question the teachings of the Happy Hemorrhoid!?

(Jedi look over a script)

Squishy: I don't remember reading any of that.

Mousse: Now die, Jedi!

(Mousse leaps into battle. He proves to be quite a match with his acrobatic skills. That's until one Jedi cuts off his left arm)

Mousse: Ah, is that the best you can do!? En guarde!

(They keep fighting until Mousse loses a leg)

Mousse: Ha, ha! Invigorating!

Sara: You can't be serious?

Mousse: Why? What's wrong you Jedi scum!?

Joseph: You can't really be fighting with one leg.

Mousse: What do you mean "one leg?"

Squishy: Well you've missing a leg and an arm.

Mousse: It's only a flesh wound. Show me what you got!

(Mousse attempts to fight, but Joseph sighs impatiently and cuts off the other leg)

Mousse: Oh you dogs! You'll pay for that!

Copeland: How? You're lightsaber went over there when you fell.

Mousse: I can still snap your limbs with my one arm. Now onwards to glory!

(Sara cuts off the last arm and kicks the torso away)

Sara: Well that settles that.

Joseph: Yeah, now on to Pineapple.

(Just as they leave they hear something)

?: -Ey -ut -oles!

(They turn around to see what's left of Mousse with a lit lightsaber in his mouth.)

Mousse: At's ight u orons! I ain't etting u o! Re-are oo ie!

Copeland: Squishy, get rid of his lightsaber.

Squishy: Right!

(Squishy goes to Mousse, takes the lightsaber, turns it off, and throws it away. He then goes to the others who then leave)

Mousse: Oh, sure, run away when things were just getting good. Get back here you pansies! I'll bite your legs off. Get back here you excrement. Please? I get very lonely. Guys? Guuys? Comeback. Ohhhh.

(Switch to Pineapple & Mandalor walking on a wide walkway hanging in the middle of a massive hall. The Jedi rush to and catch up to the 2.)

Joseph: PINEAPPLE!

Pineapple: Darn, I thought Mousse would have lasted much longer.

Squishy: Well I guess he needed a "hand" but couldn't get the "leg-up" to face us.

Pineapple: Oh, the old "Black Knight" sketch from Monty Python. Hooow original.

Sara: Will, stop this nonsense and come back to me!

Mandalor: The name's Mandalor! Besides, it's... too late for me.

Sara: It's never too late for us. Please, Will, please!

Mandalor: …

Sara: I got pie and Doritos.

Mandalor: Well when you put it that way, okay!

(Will walks over but stops to a "thunk" sound. A pie plate full of cream has hit his face and covered with crème. Sara looks at outstretched hand in shock)

Will: Ach! Coconut! The after-taste! Get it off!

(He tries to remove the pie but falls over walkway side and lands in a "Random Vat of Lava")

Sara: Will!

Pineapple: Peh! He was too weak to be a Sith to be swayed by such confectioneries. So I had you kill him with Sith Mind Control.

Sara: You *****! You'll die for this! (Lights lightsaber to growing Star Wars music)

Pineapple: Not so fast! Mandalor was not my true apprentice. For you see, the prize I had my eye on was (raises hand, and camera does a close-up of her face) Joseph!

(A dark aura surrounds Joseph as he struggles to resist the Dark side. Soon the aura leaves Joseph on the ground, who slowly stands up. Then he turns to face his friends with yellow eyes)

Squishy: Jo! Noooo!

Pineapple: Yes! Behold my true apprentice: Darth Booty Crank! Now my apprentice, finish off these insects.

(Joseph starts doing erotic dances before the Jedi, disorienting them)

Copeland: Ah, the awkwardness!

Sara: My eyes! My eyes! Yet it's strangely sexy.

(Sara becomes hypnotized and sways before Jo.)

Pineapple: Yes! Now I have both Joseph and Sara under my power!

Squishy: I think Joseph is under a Sith mind control!

Copeland: Oh, you think!?

Squishy: I think this calls for the Holy Water Grenade!

Copeland: Do it!

(Squishy pulls a water balloon with a painted-on cross from his pocket and lobs it at Joseph. It splashes over his crotch and soaks his pants)

Joseph: No! My sexy Jedi pants! How will I get booty now!?

Sara: (Recovering from spell) Ugh... Huh? Did I just say Joseph was sexy? (She gasps)

Joseph: You know it, babe. Wink-wink.

Squishy: It seems they're back to their old selves once again.

Pineapple: Curse you! I am aware where that reference came from, yet it's completely different! You managed to baffle me!

Sara: Now it is time for you to die! (Lights lightsaber again to rising dramatic Star Wars music)

Pineapple: Yes, release your anger. I crave a good challenge. (Also lights lightsaber)

(The rest light their lightsabers)

Squishy: Alright chorus. You know what to play. Git r Done!

(The Jedi take on Pineapple to the sounds of Duel of the Fates. They fight and advance along the walkway to some open wall-windows at the end. One Jedi throws a banana near Pineapple so she slips and falls out the window and onto a support strut connecting the main building to another spire with Jedi in pursuit. They continue fighting and eventually enter the other spire. Some more fighting takes place as they slowly advance upwards towards the upper support beams where they standoff)

Pineapple: Crap! You Jedi are persistent. And that banana peel trick was too underhanded for you Jedi.

Sara: Whatever, Anna. You're a Sith, you should foresee things.

Pineapple: You'll die horribly for that!

(Pineapple raises her lightsaber and throws it at a window, shattering it. Then she jumps out and flies up to the highest window on the main building. The other Jedi take turns jumping after her. Squishy jumps last, but in mid-flight his force runs out and starts going lower than the window)

Squishy: Oh sh-

(Squishy crashes through the wall leaving a body imprint hole of himself. Meanwhile above the fight continues with wires and all sorts of support structures succumbing to lightsaber slashes. The group soon drops to a lower level where Squishy is hanging onto a catwalk by one hand)

Squishy: Uh, guys, maybe you should-

(A lightsaber cuts the wires holding the catwalk thus sending Squishy falling. Ten feet down his robes hang him by his shirt around a pipe)

Squishy: Guys, are you listening to-

(Another lightsaber breaks off the pipe sending Squishy downwards and catching his leg in some wires, hanging him upside down. All sorts of parts are falling all over the place)

Squishy: Guys.

(Squishy is yet again cut down and ends up hanging by his arms like a puppet)

Squishy: GUYS!

(The people stop and look at Squishy within half a second. Joseph pokes his head from the side of the screen) (Music stops too)

Squishy: Listen! All your foolish yet well-choreographed dueling has taken out 98% of this building's support structures! This place will collapse if you keep fighting!

(They turn their lightsabers around in their hands and look ashamed)

Pineapple: What do you propose we do then?

Joseph: I suggest we wait for a sudden event in the form of an unexpected character appearance to determine what happens next.

Sara: But who would make this "appearance"?

(Suddenly, a noise is heard from above. It's Mousse falling downwards with a lightsaber in his mouth)

Mousse: Ansles!

(As he falls wires and struts are sliced before his foolish fall. He misses the group and keeps falling.)

Mousse: 'Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

(Suddenly the building starts buckling and rumbling with utter devastation.)

Joseph: Well, there you have it.

Copeland: Right. RUN!

(The group sprints to one side of the building. Squishy cuts himself loose and lands on a catwalk.)

Squishy: Hey! Wait for me!

(Squishy soon follows. After a lengthy cutscene showing half of the entire complex collapse, we turn to the others, who are sitting around in some sort of breakroom)

Squishy: Now with Episode 3 out, what is the future of the franchise?

Pineapple: As I have clearly stated, Squishy, Lucas will re-release all the movies and add deleted scenes, which I'll watch religiously.

Sara: Yeah, but what about new stuff?

Copeland: It's highly uncertain. Besides, with all the books out it will be hard to determine where to start.

Joseph: All well. I guess the only thing we can do is make more fan films and parodies such as this one.

Squishy: I agree- (notices camera) Oh shhh! Guys! The cutscene's over!

(The rest look at the camera shocked. Then the music plays again and Pineapple Force throws one of the breakroom chairs and knocks out Sara)

Pineapple: That's for calling me by my normal name! Now, where were we?

(They get to fighting in the breakroom. Chairs and tables are destroyed and a box of donuts get torn and eaten during the fight until Pineapple pushes the other 3 Jedi back.)

Pineapple: How dare you eat all the jelly-filled donuts! Enough play time! Now you die! With Force Lightning!

(As Pineapple preps her attack, the others cower at the edge of the breakroom. Suddenly Joseph looks over and reaches out of screen and grabs an intern. Just as Pineapple fires, Joseph tosses the intern into the air. The unfortunate fool absorbs the full force of the lightning and turns to dust)

Pineapple: Now that's just great! You made me kill our best intern!

Joseph: There will be others, you know that.

Pineapple: He was one in a millions, Jo!

(Pineapple leaps at Jo screaming. Jo sidesteps so that Pineapple cuts a hole through the wall. Then Squishy kicks her out into the ruins of Sith HQ. The serious battle picks up again, as over time the fighting and music gets more intense. Eventually the group lands on a large platform painting as the music slows down)

Squishy: This music is kinda depressing. Can we fight to something more lighthearted?

Joseph: Well, since this movie's almost over, I guess we can do that. What do you have in mind?

Squishy: I was thinking along the lines of classic 1920's silent film music (Audio guy plays some music) Yeah, that works just fine. Now then.

(In grainy black-and-white, the group is in a silent film-style version of the ruins. The characters talk by first moving their mouths then having what they said shown on a black, decorated frame)

Pineapple: Ha, ha, ha! Your film interests will not save you from the Dark side!

Copeland: So what!? Black and white are both equal in this odd change of movie style!

Pineapple: Poppycock! Your philosophy can't help you as I chop off your heads and perform heinous acts to them.

Joseph: We'll see to that, Anna!

Pineapple: Disgruntled sigh!

Squishy: Yeah, let's party like it's 1923!

(To a jaunty, cheery tune, the group fights in a 1920's style of lightsaber, which is more like sword fighting and put in fast forward. Eventually the group ends up at another platform, with Pineapple panting, weak, and in tattered robes)

Pineapple: Blast! Who knew I was so weak when it came to silent film fighting. It was too fast!

Joseph: Now, we must finish you off with-

Pineapple: No! I am not going to be in a parody of a Metal Gear Solid parody! We already had one!

Joseph: Um... I was about to say "These questions 3."

Pineapple: Oh, another Monty Python parody. Okay, shoot.

Joseph: What! Is your name?

Pineapple: Darth Pineapple the *****, Sith Lord.

Squishy: What! Is your purpose?

Pineapple: To destroy all Jedi and bring pain and suffering to the galaxy!

Copeland: What! Is the capital of Swaziland?

Pineapple: Mbabane.

(The Jedi look confused, look at each other, pull out a map and contemplate)

Jedi: 'Is she right?' 'I don't know.' 'Who wrote this stuff?' 'Ah well, let's just play along.'

(Confetti erupts from behind the Jedi)

Joseph: Congratulations! You have just won Random Jedi Trivia!

Pineapple: What? Huh?

Squishy: Now you could choose to leave with your life and plot revenge for another day, or risk it all to win your very own "Invisible Hand" capital ship, which is guaranteed not to break in half during re-entry!

Pineapple: Well, I have been looking for an awesome capital ship lately. Okay, I'll do it!

Squishy: Great! Just answer this one, last question. (Play "Millionaire" music) In which Thrawn Trilogy book is there a time discrepancy?

Pineapple: Um... I don't know.

(Pineapple is then flung into the air and falls into the chasm to Star Wars music)

Pineapple: CHEEEEAP SHOOOOOOOT!

(Pineapple leaves escapes view and the music ends)

Squishy: Sucker.

Joseph: See guys: with Sith, greed can be your biggest undoing.

(So with the Sith finally disposed, our heroes leave the ruins. They go to the breakroom to pick up Sara, and head back to the space ship leaving all the puppies and kittens behind. Some time later Sara wakes up and goes to the others in the control room)

Sara: Hey guys. What happened?

Copeland: We did it. The Sith are no more.

Joseph: Yep, and with no casualties on our side. Sorry about Will.

Sara: That's okay, he died doing what he does best: fleeing from coconut creme while acting like a girl.

(THIS CHEAP SHOT AT WILL WAS MADE ONLY FOR COMIC EFFECT, NOT TO STAIN HIS ALREADY FRAGILE IMAGE)

-WTF You f****** Bastard! What fragile image? BAKA!-

Squishy: Well, I guess we should get to Coruscant and get hammered on good wishes and cheap booze.

Joseph: Yeah, and drown out this odd disturbance in the Force I'm having.

Copeland: Wait! What odd disturbance?

(Suddenly the group looks out the viewport and notice the structure ruins shaking. Suddenly streaks of light spew from one part of the ruins and then a large explosion bursts from it. A large explosion bursts from it. A large light floats upwards and hovers over the ruins. Inside of it is, is, is)

Squishy: It's, it's, it's

Joseph: It's, it's

Copeland: It's,

Sara: It's

Old British Bum with Beard: It's...

Puppy: It's

R2: Bee-Boop

(PINEAPPLE!)

Joseph: GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY! Talk about a barrel full of surprises!

Squishy: I think I peed myself a little.

[And that's why they call you Squishy]

Pineapple: I AM NO LONGER THAT WEAKLING PINEAPPLE! I AM NOW THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE ALL POWERFUL: DARTH. … KANGAROO!

Squishy: No! It can't be! She was supposed to be a fairytale character of virtue, and a guy!

Joseph: Copeland! Activate the hyperdrive.

Copeland: Right.

Kangaroo: NOT SO HASTY MY JEDI FRIENDS!

Copeland: The controls aren't responding. We're trapped!

Kangaroo: PRECISELY! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS OUT ON YOUR OWN DOOM! BEHOLD THE ULTIMATE POWER OF THE SITH!

(Spreading out her arms Kangaroo struggles at pulling something. Suddenly all the HQ ruins are raised off the ground and above Kangaroo while still being kept intact. Silence befalls the Jedi in shock and amazement.)

Copeland: You've got to be ******* us!

Kangaroo: NOW PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!

Squishy: Oh man, this is it, we're screwed!

Sara: We're going to die!

Joseph: Well, it was nice knowing yalls.

(Kangaroo starts charging her launch attack)

Kangaroo: EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!

(The Jedi scream at their impending doom)

Jedi: Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kangaroo: AAAAHHHHH!

Jedi: Aaaahhhhh!

Kangaroo: AAAHHHH!

Jedi: Aaaahhhh!

(2 minutes of screaming later)

Kangaroo: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, KANGA-ROOOOOOOOO!

(The ruins are launched at the station. It looks like the end of the Jedi. Suddenly, just when it's in 100m of the station, everything stops, then the ruins clip back 200m., goes back to it's original position, and repeats itself.)

Copeland: What the heck?

Sara: Hey, the movie's stuck and repeating itself. It's like the ending to that one game.

Squishy: Conker's Bad Fur DayTM. Yeah, that was weird.

Joseph: Right then. Come guys, we're going to see the film editor.

(The Jedi move into the back of the ship and offscreen. Opening doors and footfalls on stairs can be heard. Switch to the video editing room and the Head Editor. The Jedi enter)

Joseph: Um. Excuse us, Mr. Editor. We have to talk.

Editor: Wha!? What are you doing here and not in the movie!?

Joseph: It's because we're here to complain.

Squishy: Yeah! The movie got stuck at the end and we can't do anything.

Copeland: Plus with all the other errors made, we believe you aren't that great of an editor for this project.

Sara: So in other words: fix the problem or we terminate your contract and neuter you!

Editor: (Gulp) Okay, okay! I'll get right on it! Just get back into the movie and away from my family jewels.

Joseph: See, that wasn't so hard. Come gentlemen and lady, we've got an ending to attend.

(They leave the room. The screen then looks like the "Intermission" Screen from Monty Python. After some time two voices/persons start arguing over starting up the movie. After a short struggle the screen turns toward the Jedi standing several yards from their wrecked station, looking into the crater and into a much deeper hole where the ruins were. Star Wars Ending music is playing)

Copeland: That sure was one heck of a final battle.

Joseph: You got that right. Say, where's Squishy?

Sara: While the film was being fixed he was accidentally taken out and put into another classic film.

(Turn to a large body of water at sunset. Jaws music is playing as Squishy is seen swimming hurriedly across the screen)

Squishy: **** you John Williams!

(When Squishy is offscreen, the Jaws music reaches it's ending)

Squishy: Hello!

(Cut back to Jedi near crater)

Sara: So what does this mean for us?

Joseph: This means that we must go out into the galaxy and find other future Jedi, who will be trained to become our protégé. They will then star in other upcoming movies, some good, some cutesy and lame, even some that have a good story but is ruined by god-awful acting. But first we must categorize this momentous moment, where evil was whupped in the most cool of climatic conflict.

Sara: But how will we do that?

Copeland: Simple! It will be remembered in the most honored, well-respected form of documentation and re-enactment ever known.

(Cut to All Your Base parody)

Voice: Twenty One-oh-One: war was ending.

(Cheap explosion noises and various puppy/kitten sounds)

Pineapple: What happen?

Pickles: Someone set us up the pup. We get signal.

Pineapple: What!?

Mandalor: Mainscreen turn on.

Pineapple: It's you!

Jedi: How are you gentlemen! All your Sith are belong to us! You are on the way to destruction.

Pineapple: What you say!?

Jedi: You have no chance to survive make your time. … Ha ha ha!

(Close up of Pineapple, then fade out. Then play credits to the rest of the song, flashing lights and animated sprites. Afterwards go back to crater, where Mousse is seen rolling slowly with the lightsaber still in his mouth)

Mousse: I'll et em. Ey'll ee, ey'll all ee at I'm ill uh est. E, e, e!

(He continues rolling until a shadow appears over him and slowly grows. Mousse notices, stops, looks up, then spits the lightsaber out)

Mousse: Who cut the freakin' cables!? Ahhhhhhhh!

(Then a giant "THE END" sign crashes him at an angle. On top is a one armed, disgruntled Black Knight with a sword)

B. Knight: That's for stealing my bit ya ****ard! Ha ha!

**The End**


	2. Episode 2

**Star Warz**

**Episode Ω:**

**Squishy's Awakening**

_It is a time of celebration. What started out as a parody born of a bored teenage mind has turned out to be a rather successful and amazing tale of intrigue and silliness._

_ Our Jedi heroes, having finally defeated the Sith in an action-packed climax, are now celebrating their victory. Despite losing some persons such as Master Squishy and the recently turned Darth Mandalor, the brave heroes still find time to feel relieved and jolly. Things seemed to be going well..._

_ Until 3 months later. Due to the emotional chasm made by the closure of the Star Wars film sagas, a large fluctuation of nerds and fan boys from parts unknown flood the galaxy in hopes of making their own new fantasy in the form of the Fanboy Republic. In desperation of finding a way to restore the galaxy back to normal, the Jedi comb every star system in their space ship "Century Sparrow", until the Fan Art Fleet decides to pursue them..._

(Turn to empty space. The ship of Jedi is being chased and fired at by a fleet of crudely drawn, sometimes horribly miscolored Imperial vessels, including a Tie-Fighter the size of an ordinary Star Destroyer and Various Letter-Wings. Turn to inside the ship. The Jedi are hunched over the controls.)

Copeland: Can't this thing go any faster!?

Joseph: It's impossible with them firing all this spam and hate-mail at us!

Sara: Besides, this isn't a Millennium Falcon, unless you want to risk severe copyright infringement!

Copeland: Ohhh, crud!

(Turn to bridge of the lead Star Destroyer. It is filled with people in homemade uniforms, with the captain's being a Star Fleet costume two sizes too small. An officer with braces and a stuck upper lip talks to the captain)

Officer: Sir! We are in optimal range to unleash full firepower.

Captain: Good! Then, get, ready to, fire, the, horribly, misspelled hate, mail tor-pe-does.

Officer: Aye-aye, captain.

(Letters with illegible wording is fired and slammed into the ship. It and the Jedi are rocked with warnings blaring)

Sara: What hit us!?

Copeland: Some very terrible hate mail. "i no lik Rouge Squadren Tree?" For the love of literacy use friggin' Spell Check!

Joseph: That does it! Load the Cutesy Cannon with cute-pets-wearing-silly-hat ordnance.

Sara: But Joseph, that's for emergencies only!

Joseph: This is an emergency, woman! Now load and FIRE!

(Soon canisters of puppies and kittens with tiny, silly hats are fired at the lead Star Destroyer)

Captain: How, dare, they, hit, us! Pre-pare, to, fire, a-nother, volley!

Firing Officer: I can't, sir! This chihuahua and pekinese are wearing matching Mexican hats that are just so cute!

Captain: Hmm... A scene, transition is, coming, up. Alright... increase speed, and, stay, on their tails.

Officer: Right!

(Scene transition. Turn to Coruscant, which has been overrun with fanboys and fanboy propaganda. Turn to Emperor's Palace and throne room where a dignitary is walking up to a turned throne and stops a short distance away)

Dignitary: My lord, message from the Fleet. They are about to capture those meddling Jedi.

?: Good. Is Grand Mock Talker there?

Dignitary: Yes my lord.

?: Excellent. Send a response telling them to have Talker personally tend to the... "welcoming" service.

Dignitary: Of course, my lord.

(Dignitary gets up and leaves. Turn back to space where the ship has stopped along with the fleet)

Joseph: How did we get caught in a tractor beam?

Copeland: They got us while that last scene was going on.

Sara: Those sneaky meanies!

Joseph: Prepare for docking.

(The ship is taken into the misshapen docking bay. Fanboys in disorganized uniforms of all sorts open the station door and take the Jedi to the bridge.)

Captain: Well, well-well. It is, none other, than, the ever elusive, Jed-I.

Copeland: Cut the stupid, moron. You know the real Kirk doesn't have that many pauses in his sentences.

Captain: So what? It's, not, like, he is, here, to, stop me. Any-way-ays, here is, our, ever-esteemed commander.

(A cloaked figure walks in to Imperial music. The cloak is removed to reveal an officer of Grand Moff Status. Otherwise, he's rather unimpressive-looking, and a tad chubby in the face)

Talker: So, you are the pests I have been sent to deal with.

Joseph: Patrick, what are you doing here? You don't even care about Star Wars.

Talker: Yes I do! I just prefer mocking others while enjoying it. Plus, I couldn't turn down an offer to be

a major figure in a grandiose empire. It makes me feel bigger than others.

Copeland: Yeah, I'm sure you have things you need to feel big about (Low Hit :O)

Talker: Silence! You shall pay for your insolence at our prisoner resort!

Sara: Um... Precisely what type of resort?

Talker: Would a pit filled with badly-made and crappy fan films be alright for you?

Joseph: You monster!

Talker: Exactly! Now, if you would accompany me to my shuttle.

(Just then the whole ship rocks and shakes from a large explosive noise)

Talker: What the heck!?

Officer: Sir, someone's firing at us!

Talker: WHAT!?

(They look outside the viewport. A fighter-like ship is flying around shooting the other ships with missiles that cause parts of them to fold and bend)

Officer: Sir, transmission from the OHAI-ris.

Transmission: Grand Talker, we're being bombarded by water missiles! The ship is softening and bending! Oh, I spent an hour tracing that control panel. Yikes, the roof's sinking towards me and the floor's soggy! Help me, help MEEEEEEE! Pzzzzzt!

Talker: D**n it! Load the homing spam missiles! Take that ****** out of the fleet!

Joseph: Now's our chance!

(The Jedi break free and start fighting in Star Wars music. They escape the bridge and fight to the docking bay, which is dripping with ink and shredded paper. They get back inside the Sparrow and disengage from the ship. Word of it reaches the bridge)

Talker: ¡ [headless stick figure][cactuar running right]! Launch the fighters!

(Crudely drawn fighters of all sorts are launched and go after the 2 ships)

Sara: Fighters on our tail!

(The mysterious fighter takes them out with lasers. More fighters start chasing the good fighter)

Joseph: Alright, let's return the favor. Fire kittens!

(The fighters are taken out with one spinning out of control)

Pilot: Ahhhhhh! They're so furry!

(The ship explodes. The two friendlies have awoken the whole fleet as laserfire comes from everywhere.)

Sara: Receiving message from that fighter. They're suggesting we get out of here and has sent us some jump coordinates.

Joseph: Good idea. Input the coordinates and get us out of here!

(Soon the two ships jump to lightspeed and disappear)

Talker: Ah! those :(:(:(:(:( who #z[flower][POW block][fire emblem] [garbled scribble] (More profanity) with mooses!

Officer: What?

(In another void of space near some planets, the ships exit hyperspace and float near each other)

Copeland: Whoa, that was close.

Joseph: You said it. How's our new friend doing?

Sara: The pilot wants to dock with us. They go by the name "Alia".

Joseph: A girl? Okay, tell her she can and that she can take her time. She's done enough for us already.

(Soon the fighter docks with the Sparrow and the Jedi wait at the airlock. The door opens to reveal a heavily clothed person with a helmet covering their face)

Joseph: Welcome aboard the Century Sparrow, Ms. Alia.

(The person takes off her helmet to reveal herself as... PINEAPPLE! The Jedi stare in shock at her to "dun-dun-dun" music)

Pineapple: Hey, it's a pleasure to meet you.

_Whoa! Didn't see that coming, eh? Anyways, I've stopped there to discuss another part of this story. You may be saying the title is "Squishy's Awakening", so where's Squishy you ask? Well, to answer that, we need to look a little ways back into the past, like say at the end of the first episode. You may remember the final climatic battle not being seen because of a botched "Intermission" screening. Well, in summation, the Jedi were saved by the legendary and mythical Lord Vidiot, who fought Darth Kangaroo using various gaming techniques. It will be discussed in full detail if you really want it to be. Anyways, after the battle, the absence of the Jawa was made apparent and was revealed that he ended up in the Jaws universe. However, there's more to it than what was shown. For here is what truly happened..._

(Back to Jaws universe, where Squishy has swam offscreen to Jaws music. When the music reaches it's end, a figure pops out of the water in front of Squishy, stopping him)

Squishy: Hello.

?: Ah, Squishy. Just the man I was looking for.

Squishy: Uh, who are you, and what are you doing here?

?: Ho ho ho. Don't you recognize the great Lord Vidiot, master of gaming? I have come for you, Squishy.

Squishy: Lord Vidiot! Your tales of gallantry have always influenced and amazed me during my training! Wait, come for me?

Vidiot: Yes, you are destined for greatness and a much bigger starring role. I'm here to lead you to that.

Squishy: Yeah, now off the topic a little, isn't there supposed to be a shark around here somewhere?

Vidiot: Perhaps. The period we're in is between Jaws 1 and 2, where peace reigned plenty on Amity Island.

Squishy: Right, sounds dandy to me.

Vidiot: Yes. You know, it's starting to get a little chilly. Let's go somewhere a little more dry.

(The two disappear in flashes of light. Turn to forested mountains covered in fog. The two reappear atop one of the smaller mountains)

Squishy: What the!? Yikes! Where are we!?

Vidiot: We are in an Asian mountain range: a place of serenity and deep thought. It is here you will perform your training.

Squishy: Training? What training?

Vidiot: Okay I'll be blunt and cut to the chase. You see, I am but a spirit, a spirit that dwells inside you. YOU are Lord Vidiot.

Squishy: MEEEEEE!?

Vidiot: Yes, your prowess of video games when you were young made you one with the Force. However, you lost it through Jedi training, which didn't allow such leisurely things.

Squishy: Huh, I thought I was skilled at the game, but it made me better with the Force?

Vidiot: Yes, the games you played required skill and mastery that involved letting yourself go to achieve a high score or tackle a difficult boss. You have something all Jedi think they have, but really don't: the ability to become detached. I am here to help you get it back.

Squishy: I see, but that doesn't explain why I'm you if you're a legend and what happened at the end of the last movie.

Vidiot: Those questions will be answered later, but first you must have training. It will be in the ancient form of letting go as practiced by Hindus and Buddhists. In order to survive and triumph over these trials, you must utilize the power of the Training Montage, which will happen over a long period of time but will be shortened for audience viewing.

Squishy: Okay then. Let's get this thing started!

(Cut to montage of Squishy training to tranquil training music. It shows him in many funny situations such as falling off ledges, being crushed and being shot in the crotch by training droids repeatedly. But as the montage goes on, Squishy gets better and better. Turn to sunset 2 months and 3 weeks later)

Squishy: Ah! I have finally built us a temple to sleep in.

Vidiot: Very good young Jawa. You have improved greatly.

(They go inside temple and sit on stairs)

Squishy: Uh, Master? Could you explain how you are me and the ending of the first movie?

Vidiot: Hmm... Yes, I believe now's the time to answer your questions, for you have earned them. In response to your first question, I would have to tell you a little history. Long ago, I was a lord of the Sith, who used the ways of gaming to harm and intimidate others. My apprentice was Darth Kangaroo: the most vicious Bothan ever known. Together, we left a wave of destruction wherever we went. After slaughtering our 400th peaceful village, a little girl all scared and hurt crawled to me asking where her mother was. As I looked into her scared and confused eyes, Kangaroo came, emotionlessly cut her down and suggested that we go. It was then that I realized the true intent of the Sith, which was to be plain evil and wrong, so I decided to turn toward the light. I tried to bring Kangaroo with me, but he called me a traitor and went on killing alone. He died in a space battle two days later.

However, his spirit took over the most powerful ship in the Old Republic fleet, which had shielding to protect it from the firepower of the rest of the fleet. He had it go to Coruscant, in hopes of destroying it and all the Jedi while trying to get me captured. As he was nearing the planet, I looked through Jedi archives looking for a way to stop him. I found no such way, but I did find a way to leave my body as a spirit and possess anything that moves. Just before Kangaroo arrived, I changed the archives so that Kangaroo would be a fairy tale character as comeuppance for his despicable ways. Then, I left my body and took over the most powerful moving planet turret in all the galaxy. When Kangaroo and the whole Sith fleet arrived, I engaged them in a deadlocked, mega-sized game of Space Invaders. Soon it was just me and him, me still just a turret and him with no shielding after multiple bombardments. As he passed overhead, I fired the fatal shot that ended him and got me the bonus score. However, he managed to fire the shot that took me out as well. With Coruscant in ruins, the conflict was finally over. Realizing I was better off dead, I left my past to find a nice, cozy vessel. I found one on Tatooine by settling inside the mind of an unborn child of a Jawa. So in essence, Squishy, I am like a father to you.

(Looks over to see Squishy snoring away)

Vidiot: Uh-hum!

Squishy: (Snort) What!? Oh, yeah, I see. Real heavy stuff there.

Vidiot: Hmm... I admit, I am quite the talker. Now about your second question involving the first movie. When the film was fixed you realized that unless something happened, you and your friends were going to die. So you let go and it was then I took over and the rest, they say, is box-office smash hit.

Squishy: Yeah, but why was I in the Jaws universe afterwards?

Vidiot: I wanted to find someplace quiet to talk with you and it was the first thing on my mind.

Squishy: Uh-huh. So, overall, all my skills and interests were actually yours?

Vidiot: Do not be so quick to assume, young Jawa. All your interests and skill are unique; my presence only helped you recognize your potential sooner.

Squishy: Uh-huh. Well, thanks for all this training and revelation stuff.

Vidiot: Not so fast, Squishy. You still have a little training left. But for now, you may rest (Squishy goes to sleep)

(One week later. Squishy walks up the temple stairs before Vidiot)

Vidiot: Well done, my young Jawa. Your training is now complete. You are ready to defend the galaxy with all your strength.

Squishy: I am most grateful, Master Vidiot.

Vidiot: Don't be, for you alone got through those past trials that led up to this night. In honor of your full-realization as a true Jedi Master and as my protégé, I present you with my lightsaber.

(Vidiot pulls out an engraved lightsaber, which Squishy humbly takes and looks over)

Vidiot: The handle is engraved with the major icons of the gaming industry: Pac-Man, Mario, every known Ryu, so on and so forth.

Squishy: (Lights lightsaber) Dark green. My favorite color.

Vidiot: Mine as well. Now, are you fully aware of your friends endangerment?

Squishy: Yes, my master.

Vidiot: Good. Go forth, young Jedi Master, and save your friends from imprisonment!

(Squishy vanishes. On Coruscant, the figure in the throne clutches his chest, realizing the changing excitement in the audience Force-feedback)

_Hold up! I got a little carried away there, having spoiled some things. Now, yes, it's true the other Jedi are getting captured, but not by the mysterious fighter that looks like Pineapple. No, it will be far more unexpected. For now, though, let's look back at the recently shaken Fan Art Fleet..._

(Large hand-dryers are heating up the soggy parts of ships, with some being held in place and others ending up blown away or burned. Turn to bridge of head Star Destroyer)

Officer: Sir, ship is at 80% battle ready.

Talker: It's still not fast enough ~~~~! What am I paying you for!?

Officer: Uh, you're not paying me, you're holding me against my will.

Talker: You signed up, didn't you!?

Officer: After you broke my hand and made me sign with it.

Talker: Shut up and get back to work! Stupid [bee][upside-down bee][beehive on tree branch]!

Captain: Might I, suggest, we, call, out the, big, mus-cle?

Talker: Hey... That's not a bad idea! Low-life! Hire up the Republic's best bounty hunter!

Officer: (Gasp) You don't mean-

Talker: Yes. We're sending in Boobie Fettish!

(Turn to a Slave 1 knock-off zipping through space. Inside cockpit, we see someone with an awfully familiar scraggy ginger beard in battle armor)

Talker: So you know your mission: Find Jedi, kill Jedi, and tow in their ships, along with the body and ship of that annoying fighter.

Fettish: Yeah, yeah, and my reward?

Talker: You will receive the lifetime subscription for Star Boobs Magazine and the National Geographic Natives Gone Wild DVD upon confirmation of your success.

Fettish: Right then. Fettish out.

(Talker transmission ends)

Fettish: Tee, hee hee!

(Ship flies off. Meanwhile, back to the shocked Jedi)

Pineapple: Uh, guys? Why are you looking like that?

Joseph: You, you, you, you-

Sara: You're supposed to be dead! Lord Vidiot took you out back at Mustafar!

Pineapple: What!? Oh, yeah, back when I was a Sith.

Copeland: Back when you were a Sith?

Pineapple: Yeah. All I remember is falling, then blacking out. I later woke to find myself in a back alley at some spaceport on Coruscant. After a while I found some proper clothes, a ship and learned of the current galactic situation.

Sara: But how did you find us?

Pineapple: Well, the public was being made aware of you as menaces, so I made some custom water missiles and followed the fleet. Man, those were some badly-made cruisers if I do say so myself.

Joseph: Uh-huh. One more question: Why did you suddenly turn good?

Pineapple: It should be obvious, but losing to you guys and having to deal with idiots every day has made evil uncool. Plus, I can still hurt people as a Jedi.

Sara: Okay, you can be a Jedi Meany.

Pineapple: Sounds good. Also, you can call me Anna from now on.

Copeland: Good. Pineapple was getting old to read, anyway.

Anna: Now back to the matter at hand. I have intel of what this whole Fanboy Republic is about: you may have already noticed the Republic is just like a Galactic Empire knock-off, with an Emperor as its head. Before you ask, I don't know who this person is.

Copeland: So what do we do for now?

Sara: I say we go back to that pitiful fleet and take the rest of 'em out!

(Proximity alarms start going off, warning of an unknown ship)

Joseph: Or we can tend to this little matter.

(The Jedi take up stations with Anna standing around)

Joseph: Status report.

Copeland: The ship is under fire from some odd-looking and fast fighter.

Joseph: I need names, darn it! Sara, who's ship is that?

Sara: The computer's ID on it says Sex Slave 1.

Anna: What did you say!?

Joseph: Forget it! Fire the cannon!

Copeland: I can't! It's too fast!

(The station's rocked by a missile blast)

Sara: Shields down by half. What do we do?

Anna: I say we run.

Joseph: Right. Prepare hyperdrive-

(Another explosion)

Copeland: We lost hyperdrive!

Joseph: Crap! Ah well, increase sublight speed and weave around while I think of something.

Copeland: Right!

(The Sparrow and Boobie Fettish's ship speed off exchanging lasers to Star Wars Asteroid Chase music)

Fettish: Ha ha! Have you in my sights I do, *****es! Yee-ha!

(Transition to a Mos Eisley cantina. We see a Rodian playing Quarters with a lady Twi'lek. He wins but notices the camera)

Rodian: (In Rodian) Hey, moron! You transitioned to the wrong place! Now go back to wherever you were before I kill you!

(The Rodian turns around as the Twi'lek starts pulling up her shirt. Scene transition. Back to the exciting space chase)

Sara: Sublight engines are damaged. We're slowing down!

Fettish: I have you now, Jedi!

Joseph: Drat! What do we do now?

Copeland: We are nearing a planet. Bringing up pictures.

(Pictures of a beige, desert planet pop up with intel.)

Joseph: Whorescant: Prostitution center of the galaxy. I hate to say it, but it may be our only chance to escape. Get us in their atmosphere.

Sara: Aye, aye Jo!

Anna: Wait! Whorescant? Who writes this-

(The ships go planetary. The chase continues over dilapidated rooftops and past floating billboards until...)

Sara: Hey! There's a big Sex Arena we can hide in.

Joseph: Good! Land this thing already!

Anna: Sex Aren-!?

(They land inside. Later the group enters a large central area surrounded by large, deep pits. In the bottom of each one are large wiggling masses of flesh representing orgies of all sexes and alien races.)

Sara: Ewww! The squishy noises!

Copeland: That's Whorescant for you.

?: Muahaha!

(Suddenly Boobie Fettish drops from above and lands dramatically before the group. He rises and holds a manly stance)

Fettish: So, you thought you could lose me in a complex built on the foundations of booty-knocking!

Joseph: Oh god, not him again. I thought we killed you!

Fettish: Ha! I was too funny to be killed off, so I returned as the unstoppable bounty hunter Boobie Fettish!

Copeland: Boobie Fettish: the only bounty to kill political dignitaries with LevitraTM.

Anna: What did you-?

Fettish: Yes. It's unhealthy for old men to have elongated dongs, so I used that to my advantage. Now prepare to face the Master of the Sexual Innuendo!

Sara: You're on! (The Jedi light their lightsabers)

Fettish: Your lightsabers maybe long, but my blasters can go all night long! Let's see how you handle them! (Pulls out blasters)

Anna: Ohhh... This is so ridiculous! (Turns on lightsaber)

(The people start fighting. While it's mostly simple jump around and deflect laser blasts, there are some moments caught in slo-mo, such as Fettish jumping through two swinging lightsabers. Eventually Fettish jumps high and Joseph follows)

Fettish: Eat deodorant!

Joseph: Ah! The freshness!

(Joseph is hit by the deodorant, falls, and skids along ground toward a pit. He falls over and hangs over the edge as the denizens below [men & women] beg for fresh meat. Anna comes and pulls him out of the pit)

Joseph: (Shivers violently) Brrrrrr! Thanks Anna.

Anna: No problem.

(The fighting continues. Eventually we get to a point where both of Fettish's arms are cut off at the same time)

Fettish: Curses! You took me arm and wife!

Joseph: Give it up! You can't fight without any arms.

Fettish: Normally that would be true. But... (activates jet pack) I have a jet pack, suckers!

(Fetish flies around in a circular path over the Jedi)

Fettish: Ha ha! Try to get me now!

(Anna notices something up high and offscreen. It's the sound guy's platform which supports the boom mic. Anna tosses her lightsaber at it, causing part of the catwalk to swing down. The microphone part hits Fettish's jet pack, deactivating it and sending him falling)

Fettish: ******************!

(He falls in a pit containing an all-female sex orgy)

Fettish: Ah! The overwhelming flesh and stench! Oh yeah, baby, bring it on! Gah! The agonizing weight on my pelvis! Hey, a Twi'lek! Get over here little lady. Oh no! A Gamorahnian! Get away from me! The pleasure and pain is far too much! Yahhhhhhhhhhhh!

(Sound of crushed pelvis followed by silence)

Joseph: Whew! Good shot, Anna.

Anna: Yeah. I still can't believe the things being said in this movie.

Sara: So, guys, what do we do-

(Suddenly strings of lightning hit the Jedi and knock them out. The lightning came from the dreaded Emperor, who was standing nearby. Soon Talker and some Geek Troopers run in)

?: Talker, take these nuisances to Kessel and have them tortured every which way.

Talker: Ohhhh. I was hoping to get some (-bleep-bleep-) while I'm here.

?: I said do it, Talker!

Talker: Yes, my lord. Geeks, take away these pests and impound their ships.

(Two days later on Kessel. The air is breathable and there's a recently built Fan Boy outpost/ prison. Squishy appears outside the main doors and walks to them. Two guards dressed like Cylon robots come over to him.)

Guard: You cannot enter without a-

(Squishy force chokes them)

Guard: Gag-gag-gag!

(Squishy enters the lobby and chokes the receptionists and force tosses the Buddhist recruiter. Squishy then walks down a small hall where he takes coffee from a passing Intern and Force shoves him down the hall. In the breakroom Squishy takes an employee's slice of pizza and crushes him with a pinball machine. He then enters a large, central hall. At the other end he runs into Talker)

Talker: Ah, you must be that Squishy person from the first movie. Surprised to see me?

Squishy: Not really.

Talker: Humph! Well you see, the good thing about being me, is that you have unlimited access to certain cloning facilities. Jack Off-icer! Press the button!

Officer: Aye, aye! (you ungrateful ****)

(The Officer pushes a button, and hordes of Talker clones spouting "Ni!" rush into the room to Matrix "Burly Brawl" music until whole room is filled and music stops)

Squishy: (Looking around) You really don't want me to do this.

Talker: Oh, I think I really do. Sic him!

(Music starts up again and the fighting begins. Squishy goes about whupping clone hiney with kung-fu sending them flying and collapsing. There's a moment where Squishy runs up a wall, jumps off and bounces over the heads of a row of clones, racking up points and a 1-up like Super Mario. Soon the clones get more dense and force Squishy to jump clear across the room. He lands next to a Pipe Vending Machine, pays for an X-Long pipe, then goes about whacking. He knocks one clone's head off, which lands next to the real Talker)

Talker: A head just landed by my leg. Send in more.

Officer: Okay.

(More clones jump out from the ground, arrive in small tram cars, and rain down from the ceiling, prompting Squishy to do a short "Singing in the Rain" parody while twirling the pipe over his head. Afterwards the action continues until Squishy has clones piling over him, still spouting "Ni")

Gollum: Itsss is inevitablesss my precioussssssss.

(Squishy pulls out a Power Mushroom, eats it, and grows, causing clones to fly everywhere. When he shrinks back down he is once again surrounded)

Squishy: You know, this is a pretty good Matrix parody. But there's one key difference. (Lights lightsaber) Neo didn't have a lightsaber!

Clone: Oh, Ni!

(To Star Wars music Squishy starts cutting down advancing and cowering clones)

Talker: He's killing off my clones too fast! Send in more!

Officer: A simple thank you would be nice.

Talker: Do it before I kill you!

(As more clones come in, they start running around in a frenzy trampling the real Talker in desperation of escaping the light blade. Eventually only Squishy is left standing over hundreds of dismembered clones)

Squishy: Well that was certainly invigorating.

(Squishy turns off his lightsaber and continues. He soon enters the detention room, where he knocks out the guards and deactivates the shield holding in his friends)

Sara: Squishy! You're actually here! I thought you were gone forever!

Copeland: Yeah, how exactly did you get here?

Squishy: It's a long story, right now we must... Hey! What's Pineapple doing here!?

Anna: That too can be explained later. As you were saying...

Squishy: Oh, right. Let's get out of here. Is the Sparrow here as well?

Joseph: Yes, now let's leave.

(They go back to the entrance. In the central hall, there are no signs of any clone battle or bodies)

Squishy: Huh? I thought I'd slaughtered a whole lot of-

?: They disappear after a short time. I thought you knew the law of gaming.

(The group turns around to find Talker standing all beat-up looking and looking pissed)

Group: Wahhh!

Talker: That's right. You may cover me under piles of dead clones but I will always come back!

Squishy: Okay, time to end this. (Whips out lightsaber)

Talker: Hold it! (Pulls out remote) If you try to kill me, I'll push this button and my whole fleet will come and wipe out this planet in a heartbeat. So, are you feeling lucky, punk? Are you feeling lucky? Because I know I am. The shoe is on the other hand and you're screwed. You hear me!? You are all ****ing screw-

(Talker falls from a blow to his back. He hits the ground and the remote skids into a "Random Remote Shredder". Behind Talker is the Officer, holding Squishy's pipe and having a crazy look in his face)

Officer: I'm so ****ing tired of your swearing! You have nothing better to do than criticize and boss people around! (Hits Talker with pipe) You never gave me a lick of respect and treated me like ****! (Hits again with pipe) Well I'm no work mule, and you never, EVER, envoke the wrath of a pissed nerd! (Hits again) YEAH! How do you like that ****ole!? Feels good DOESN'T IT!? (Hits continuously with pipe) Yeah, yeah! This is getting fun now! Bwahahahahahahaha!

(Continues beating Talker before the stunned and shocked Jedi group)

Anna: Uhhhhh... I, think we should go now.

Copeland: Yeah, let's.

Squishy: Agreed.

(They walk slowly away. Some time later they're back in the Sparrow and speed off to an empty place to collect their thoughts and swap stories)

Sara: Wow. To think you had the great Lord Vidiot inside you.

Squishy: Um-hum. And I can't believe Anna is a Jedi now.

Anna: Yeah, I know, it's a "real" shocker.

Joseph: So, what do we do now, guys?

Copeland: Well, you recall that while in prison we saw propaganda mentioning the unveiling of a new Fan Art ship, which is an Eclipse Star Destroyer.

Sara: Plus, the renowned Emperor is to be touring it as it orbits Coruscant.

Anna: Well it's obvious: we go to Coruscant, get aboard that ship and take out both it and that Emperor.

Joseph: But precisely how are we going to get through the large fighter defense fleet also mentioned?

Squishy: Don't worry: I have a strategy.

(Turn to Coruscant orbit. There is an Eclipse Star Destroyer, the most well-drawn and colored of any other ship, so that it actually looks like what it is. The Century Sparrow exits from hyperspace and enemy fighters move to intercept them)

Squishy: Alright. Time to switch to Fighting Form Omega.

(The Sparrow then fights the fighters as if it were a game of GradiusTM. After much whimsical explosions and music, they run into the Star Wars Kid as the end boss. He twirls around on a platform, shooting bird shot, but soon gets shot down for victory. Things return to normal and the Jedi land in the docking bay, get out and exit. Meanwhile, on the bridge, the Emperor [who's sitting in the head chair] is approached by another officer)

Officer: Sir, the Jedi have entered the ship and are approaching us steadily.

?: Fine. Activate the Final Defense.

(Turn to the Jedi rushing down a hall. Suddenly speakers start popping out of the walls and ceiling. Then they start playing "Numa Numa" very loudly)

Joseph: What the heck?

Squishy: It's the ultimate fan boy music!

Anna: Hey, I like this song.

Squishy: Quickly! Put on these MD players filled with 90's Techno to keep from falling under its spell.

(They take Squishy's MD players and put them on)

Squishy: They're desperate, so we must be quick. Charge!

(They rush down the many halls, facing various guards in classic RPG turn-based fighting. When they near the elevator to the bridge, they're confronted by the Kirk wannabe)

Captain: Ha-ha-ha-ha! You have, managed, to, sur-vive, the, gauntlet, leading up, to, me-EE!

Squishy: ...Who's this character?

Captain: It's, time, you, die! Ready or not, here, I,-

(Copeland runs up and cuts the Captain down in one quick slash)

Copeland: That's for defiling the good name of Captain Kirk!

(They move on. Upon reaching the bridge, they destroyer speakers withdraw and the "Numa" music finally ends)

Joseph: Alright, "Emperor"! You are to be executed for defiling this wondrous galaxy!

?: My faithful crew, leave this ship now.

(The bridge crew rushes out)

?: Now, because you have been so diligent in trying to ruin me, I shall reveal myself.

(The Emperor rises and pulls back his hood. It's the author/singer of the "Numa Numa" video!)

Anna: No. NOOO! It can't be! It's not possible!

?: Yes! It is I! The master of Numa, a.k.a., Darth Numa!

Anna: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Numa: Now! Face the true power and talent of the Fan Boy Republic!

(With a flick of a finger, Numa brings out backup speakers and the Numa Song plays again, to the pained yells of the Jedi)

Numa: Now, to unleash the power of dance with my Robot Troupe!

(Four robots appear and take up positions besides Numa, and they dance in unison to the music)

Joseph: Gahhh! The rhythm! The techno!

Anna: But it's so groovy.

Numa: Yes! Give in to the Numa!

(The dancing continues for a while until Squishy straightens up looking serious)

Squishy: That's it! Time for some real music!

(Squishy uses the Force to turn off the music)

Numa: What!?

(Squishy then removes the CD from his disc player and tosses it in slo-mo into an open slot in the console. Music from Once Upon a Time in Mexico plays)

Squishy: Now then. Let's get fighting! (Lights saber)

Numa: Fine. Once I'm done I can return to the Numa!

(They then start dueling. They leap and fly across the room to the amazement of the other Jedi. After a long while a bit of Force lightning knocks Squishy down)

Numa: Ha! Tired yet!?

Squishy: Alright. You left me no choice. It's time to enter MY WORLD!

(Suddenly trippy colors surround the two and they are brought to an empty plane with changing colorful backgrounds. The song "Heaven" from DDR starts playing)

Squishy: Ah. Now THAT's proper techno. Here I come!

(They then get to fighting in tune to the song. At some points Squishy stops and sings with the song leaving Darth Numa dazed, then going back to whupping him. Numa gets weaker and weaker until the end of the song, where Squishy deals the final blow. There's a small explosion and they're back in the bridge, with Numa on his knees with a hand clutching his chest and rasping)

Numa: Hehehehehe. Fools. No matter what you do, there will always be fan boys. When you think they're gone, they always come back stronger. What's the point in fighting the inevitable? Gahh! (He bends over as electricity appears all over his body) NUMAAAAAAAA!

(Numa dies in a flashy explosion and all is silent)

Sara: Woooooo!

Anna: Yeh, heh heh!

Joseph: You da man, Squishy! You da man!

Copeland: I hate to say it, but you've actually instilled yourself as a major character.

Squishy: Ah, tis the way of the Force to defeat your foes in such an elegant show. And you guys helped, too.

Sara: Now with Numa gone, the Fan Boys will surely fall. Plus we now have a kick **s new ship!

Squishy: Yeah, we sure do- (Stops suddenly and thinks) Wait. I sense something (Silence follows)

Sara: Squishy, what do you-

Squishy: A parody! Guys! We must get to the back of the ship NOW!

Copeland: But why-

Squishy: There's no time! We gotta move fast!

(They rush out of the bridge. Outside a series of explosions rock the center of the ship, causing it to tear down the middle like paper. Back inside and at the back of the ship)

Squishy: Quick! Grab onto the railing and hold on tight. This parody is gonna be big!

Anna: What parody are you talking about?

Squishy: Titanic!

(Soon the two ship halves are held together by one thin piece, and starts to do a Titanic. The front half pulls down the back until the ship is vertical, leaving the Jedi hanging. Then the front half snaps off, sending the back part plummeting back to level, then starts falling backwards. The Jedi are sitting on the rail a little dazed)

Joseph: Well, I certainly didn't see that one coming.

Copeland: So what do we do? This part is steadily increasing in speed toward the planet.

(Anna looks around and sees something)

Anna: Hey! There's an industrial-sized escape pod.

Squishy: Alright. Let's move!

(They get into the pod and escape. The two ship parts fall into the atmosphere where they burn up into ash)

_ And so, the Emperor was no more. With that, people across the galaxy rise in rebellion and celebration as planets are cured of the Fan Boy disease. On Kashyyyk a huge party is held in the tree tops, as fireworks are fired and Wookiees dance in a celebration similar to the end of Episode VI. The Jedi are there as well, partying the night away. Squishy takes time away from the party to sit on a bench in a quiet part of the Wookiee city, where he sees the aura image of Lord Vidiot nodding in content and pride at Squishy's accomplishements. Squishy is then called back to the party, where more good wishes are spread._

_The future looks bright for our Jedi._

_May the Force_

_ be with them._

**The End**


	3. Episode 3

**Star Warz**

**Episode [pentagram]:**

**End of Parody**

_ This is it! The final chapter in the thrilling and comical trilogy! 2 months have past since the fall of Darth Numa, and Fan Boy remnants are being taken out one by one. Though there are still many Fan Boys left, the Famous Jedi Heroes, having recruited the Jedi Jared, are busily taking out Fan Boy strongholds one after the other._

_ However, lately there have been rumors of a hidden secret weapon: built by the Fan Boy Republic and capable of rendering a planet defenseless. In search of answers, the Jedi double their efforts in taking out resistance strongholds and finding information, bringing them to a highly fortified stronghold on the lush planet of Naboo..._

(Turn toward a small military building. At the front door are two Fan Boys dressed as Stormtroopers but without masks and holding bayoneted laser guns. Turn to the field in front of them, where there is a short man in robes rushing towards them to war drum music. Turn back to guards. Turn back to man who has gained some distance. Back to guards. Back to man who has appeared to have gone back a bit. Back to guards. Back to man who's gaining distance. Back to guards. Suddenly the man rushes up to one guard and stabs him with a lightsaber, then beheads the other and runs inside. He then goes about killing off Fan Boys brushing their teeth, changing clothes, and taking showers to Monty Python Storming Music. He then runs up some stairs, takes out a guard, continues, and keeps killing others. Upstairs he takes out people eating breakfast, and cuts a person's pie to shreds, then kills the guy once he complains. Soon he runs up the lookout tower, takes out the lookout and sends him falling. The corpse lands before a group of other robed persons who have just arrived. Inside they meet with the murderer)

Sara: Don't you think you went a little overboard this time?

Jared: Well, this is my first lone storming session, plus I hate fanboys.

Anna: Anyways, let's get to the situation at hand.

Squishy: Right, the main stronghold.

(They go on to the roof, where Copeland takes out some macrobinoculars and looks over a large, spired building 300m away.)

Copeland: Doesn't look good. There are multiple guards and laser cannons, plus those aren't props they're holding.

Joseph: So what do we do? Just waltzing in would most likely get one of us killed.

Jared: Are you insinuating something?

Squishy: Don't worry. I know how to even out these odds.

(Squishy pulls out his engraved lightsaber, and suddenly light starts emanating from it and there is a flash. Turn to the main stronghold, where everything has been turned 16-bit. To Legend of Zelda Theme Music, the Jedi walk on screen looking like Link sprites and go all Zelda on the guards with all sorts of strikes and slashing. They eventually get inside and continue the fighting with progressively more difficult enemies. They soon end up in the back room and open a treasure chest containing "Strategic Data". Upon getting outside everything is back to normal)

Jared: That was fun.

Copeland: Yes, trust an old classic to get the job done. Now about that data.

Sara: Let's take it to a terminal at the Checkpoint.

(At the smaller building they find a computer and insert the disc)

Joseph: Now let's see what was so important to guard in the first place.

(They wait in growing anticipation as the data is being uploaded. When it's fully uploaded the group gasps in shock at what they've found. Turn to a vast ocean broken by a single large island. A panoramic view shows it has beaches, trees, various large rock structures, and a lot of nerd patrols walking around the island at all levels. Turn to an underground area in a room full of computers and busy technicians plus a large window. An ominous, caped figure walks up to one technician)

?: Chief Technician, what's the status?

Tech: Core control is 100% effective and firing control is at 75% and rising. The weapon will be ready to fire very shortly.

?: Good. What of the control room coolants?

Tech: That still requires some more time but not really that much.

?: Excellent! The sooner this weapon is fully operational and ready to fire, the sooner I will get to making a climatic climax and have the galaxy know my name! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

Tech: (Oh, god. There he goes with that dramatic laugh again. Geez)

(Turn to Coruscant, then to a small, dimly lit meeting room. The Jedi and current governor of the planet confer)

Gov: I still don't see why I must be dragged to this small room. Shouldn't you be out killing geeks now?

Squishy: Sir, this meeting involves that rumored super weapon. We'll let Copeland explain, since he is Weapons Master.

(Copeland walks in dressed as Crix Madine and even wearing a fake beard to the snickers of the others. Looking mad he tears off the beard and gets serious)

Copeland: Now, the intel we received on Naboo was heavily guarded and kept in a big, decorative chest. The contents of the data were most disturbing. Bring up display. (A display of a planet appears over the meeting table) The data tells of a weapon stored on a watery world called Oceania. Because of recent budget cuts we couldn't hire many writers and had to pick names for the planet out of a hat. Sorry. Now, as we close in on the planet, you can see the ocean is dotted with many small islands. The largest one, which the data refers to as the Noisy Starcharter (in no relation to a certain video game), is where the weapon is. We don't know what this weapon is, but we know it's big, housed in a giant, ancient-looking silo and guarded by dozens of fan boys, which in order to reach the weapon, we must neutralize. Since reports indicate that about 98% of these nerds wanted no part in this fight, a non-lethal approach is in order. (pulls out some paintball guns and grenades) Our studies have shown that nerds don't like being bombarded with paint and/or any type of pellet shot, so our strike force will be equipped with these rapid-fire, hand-held and sniper paint ball guns. Plus they will be given these paint grenades that have a maximum paint radius of 6½ feet. We'll come in fast and catch them by surprise and completely off-balance. We will have gained much ground and stunned nerds by the time they bring out the big guns, with which we'll fight back with our Wrath of Mandalor bazookas and missile launchers. Reinforcements will arrive sometime later from surrounding islands by assault boats, but by that time we will have set up an impassable line of paint-mines and paint gatling guns on the cliffheads. It should buy us Jedi enough time to break into the silo and destroy the weapon, while possibly engaging in battle with the possible leader of this operation. So governor, what do you say?

Gov: Wow. You lost me after "picking names from a hat", but I'm swayed nonetheless. Okay, you'll have your strikeforce. Would 500 men due?

Copeland: More than enough sir, thanks very much. Now our only problem is finding drop ships that can carry men and equipment, move fast, and look very cool.

Squishy: Oh, I think I know where to get some of those. Hehe.

(Turn to Oceania orbit. A Mon Cal Cruiser is hanging out some distance away. Then a whole bunch of ships that look like Pelican assault flyers leave the hanger bay and head for the planet)

Pilot: All ships have left the cruiser, Bridge.

Bridge: Good. We'll come back with more ships. Soften up the defenses while we're gone.

Pilot: Roger.

(The Pelicans eventually hit planetside and cruise over the ocean and islands. Turn to inside of lead Pelican)

Joseph: Uhh, are you sure we won't get in trouble for this?

Squishy: Don't worry. It's not like Microsoft is watching every bit of fan fiction out there. Besides, these are bigger and more cool-looking than the original Pelicans.

Copeland: Listen up, Marines! When we land we must make this quick with little to no casualties. Remember: neutralize and compromise. Any questions?

Anna: Yeah, one: Why's Chris here?

Copeland: The fans didn't like him being killed off so much, so he now plays the enigmatic and serious sergeant on our side.

Chris: I live by the gun, and die by the hemorrhoid. That is my dream: that is my nightmare. Ooh, flashback!

Anna: Riiiiight.

Copeland: Gear up. We're approaching the Noisy Starcharter.

(They near the island, Halo theme music plays. They fly over the landscape and some geek patrols)

Sara: Making first strike.

(She throws a grenade out which explodes in the middle of a group of nerds dressed as Covenant aliens, taking out 7 of them)

Fan: Ewweewwwwwww!

(The ships land at the other end of the beach and the marines jump out of the passenger ends to intensifying Halo music)

Copeland: CHARGE!

(They go about shooting everything in sight. Sometimes the action is shown in first-person but also in all-around view. Some nerds return fire but are soon overcome with paint. A guy dressed as a Jackal holds up a cardboard shield but is taken out by a paintball to the head.)

Chris: Take that you pimpled ******! Ha ha!

(The fire fights continue. As the strike team moves up the beach a bunch of vehicles carrying weapons twice the length of the vehicles come roaring from the other end. Turn to one vehicle)

Rider: Turn right! Turn right!

Driver: Shut up! I know what I'm doing and it's great.

Rider: You don't even know how to drive!

Driver: Don't you dare question my glory!

Both: (Screeching noise) Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!

(The two violently turn the wheel to avoid another vehicle but cause it to flip over, hit the other vehicle, and send their large weapon flying upwards. Turn to a skinny white guy in a room with a view dancing to "Numa Numa" on a boom box. The flying weapon lands on the room, crushing the guy and stopping the music. On the beach, the Marines are pinned down by fire from the remaining vehicles)

Joseph: We need to take out those turrets!

Copeland: Get Chris!

(Chris arrives with a freakishly large rocket launcher)

Chris: Eat this you socially-inept, physically-lacking, overly-neurotic, morally-confused, sexually-frustrated losers!

(He fires a huge missile and after a bright flash of light and sand the vehicles are gone and there is a large smoking crater)

Anna: Awesome!

Squishy: Onwards!

(The assault continues. Once everything quiets down a bit more Pelicans arrive with vehicles and men. As they leave one Pelican is shot down by fire from a large tower on a cliff)

Sara: Chris-

Chris: Got it!

(He fires another shot at the tower, causing it to fall over, sending fanboys flying everywhere in a large fireball. Turn to computer room, where klaxons and red lights are blowing wildly. The caped figure appears again)

?: What just happened!? I was busy practicing my laugh!

Tech: We have lost the southern tower! The enemy strike force will have a clear easy pass to the main facility.

?: Strike force!? Why haven't I been informed of such things!? Where's our reinforcements!?

Tech: They have been dispatched and will arrive in the hour.

?: HOUR!? IMBECILES! Very well, prepare the inner traps for possible breachers and intruders, and get that weapon working!

Tech: Right!

(Back outside, as troops are tending to wounded and prepping equipment for defense measures, the Jedi and Chris are walking through the field of battle to Monty Python music. At the top of a slope with high rockwall sides, the music stops and they look down to see the fetal positioned bodies of nerds cringing at the pain and paint they have all over their bodies. Some of them are dressed as Covenants with tattered costumes)

Squishy: There's nothing uglier than Covenant wannabes cringing in their own cowardice and in paint.

Chris: You should see my *** someday.

Squishy: What-

Chris: Nothing. Let's move on.

(They eventually reach a Ziggurat-like structure with smooth, rounded-sides and surrounded by military personnel)

Chris: Over there is a door leading to a deep chute that goes down a ways. The super weapon is most likely inside.

Copeland: Excellent. You stay up here and prepare for the nerd retaliation. We'll go into the structure and find that weapon.

Chris: (Salutes) Gods speed, sir.

(Copeland returns salute, then goes with others as Chris goes "Tee, hee hee." Soon the Jedi go down the chute and land in a dark room. In the computer room...)

Tech: We've got breachers!

?: Good. Deploy the first defense!

(Back to Jedi...)

Sara: Now what do we do?

Anna: I suggest we get some light in here.

(Some turn on lightsabers; others break out glow lamps)

Joseph: Well, from the looks of things, I see no door and there's no way back up. Any plans?

Copeland: I say we wait quietly.

Jared: Okay

(They wait. Eventually they hear a rustling noise.)

Anna: What was that?

(They hear more rustling and some low screeching)

Jared: I've got a bad feeling about this.

Joseph: You always have a bad feeling about some-

Sara: Look!

Squishy: FloooooooodTM!

(Suddenly all sorts of Infection, Combat, and Carrier Flood forms rush into the room and get into a group making their noises as the Jedi light their lightsabers. Soon the Flood quiet down, and suddenly spotlights hit them, they break out top hats and canes and go into a musical number to the song "New York, New York" before the confused Jedi. After the song the Flood strike their poses, then are slaughtered by the Jedi in 5 seconds.)

Copeland: That was annoying.

(In computer room)

?: Who the heck deployed the Broadway Flood!?

(Back to the Jedi, who move to a revealed elevator)

Joseph: Huh? Elevator doesn't work.

Sara: Oh! There's some stairs.

(They open a door and see a large stair system that seems to go down forever)

Anna: This... is gonna take awhile.

(A long time later. Turn to a bunch of PT boats in the ocean heading for the island. They are loaded with fanboys with weapons and outlandish costumes. In one boat, a private awakens)

Private: Uh... My head... What's this helmet doing here? Oh no. Don't tell me I fell for the ice cream social. Where am I?

(As the boat rocks and troops shake and vomit, gunfire is heard along with some flying bullets and small explosions. A large explosion near the boat rocks the boat and a torn Vader mask lands at the Private's feet)

Captain: Okay! Thirty seconds! (Pause) Nice knowing ya guys.

(The private looks back with growing doom. Then he turns with the others to the front as the hatch wheel there starts spinning really fast. After some growing anticipation, the wheel stops, the front drops and paint balls start zipping in. The private stares in horror as his fellow soldiers are taken out by paintballs, then he climbs over the edge of the boat and plunges into the ocean. Soon it's just a mock-up of D-Day as the private swims to shore amidst paint, cringing wimperingss and tons of gunfire. He eventually gets on the beach and finds cover. A loud explosion silences the moment, then opera music plays as the private looks at the horrors of the muted world. There is a beached PT boat where troops ran out dripping in paint. Another group runs up the beach only to step on a paint-mine. A nerd crying out for help is hit in the head with a paint-ball, silencing him. A guy in an alien costume walks by and picks up a foam arm along the way. Back to the Private, he accepts his fate and lays down to sleep. Turn to cliffs where the Marines are continuing the defense fire. Turn to gatling gun that Chris is using)

Chris: Ya hahahaha! Eat paint you nose rubbers who blog Bungie sites and complain that Lucas is insane, though he's as stable as I am! Wee heeheeheeheee!

(An officer comes over and offers him a walkie-talkie. Chris moves about with it as the officer takes place as gunner)

Chris: Yello?

Copeland: How's the defense?

Chris: Quite well and satisfying. We're picking off fan boys left and right and they just keep coming.

Copeland: All right. When they stop coming, send out teams to retrieve the traumatized nerds and comfort them.

Chris: Right-o. First Season Star Trek DVDs will be in order. Sergeant Chris over-and-out.

(Turn back to inside of base, where the Jedi are continuing their descent and slashing anything in their path. In the control room, the caped figure [who turns out to be some tall guy in a realistic looking Grievous costume who also talks like him] paces around, getting more and more upset)

?: Rahhhhh, how close are they!?

Tech: 50 meters to the main hall.

?:Roooooooaaaaaarrrrrrr! (He breaks another tech's neck in anger) Send out everything we got!

(As the Jedi continue their attack, the Grievous look-alike goes about killing off more techs in various and sometimes silly fashions. When there are but three out of ten techs left, the maniac raises arms and yells)

?: That's it! I'll do it my ****ing self! ****!

(He leaves the room and enters a hall. As he's stomping down he knocks and throws aside various personnel. When the sound guy comes walking by with an overhead microphone the maniac takes and rams the microphone through the sound guy. When someone comes and offers him coffee he tears the guy in half and drinks the coffee. When a scriptwriter walks up to discuss the script he takes the script, stuffs it down the writer's mouth whole, and tosses him back down the hall. Eventually the killer reaches the end and boards a factory-style golf cart, which is then lifted up on an elevator. Meanwhile, the Jedi land in another, emptier hall from the ceiling)

Anna: (Pant, Pant, Pant). When will it end?

Squishy: I sense great anger. We must be close.

Jared: Let's keep walking.

(They continue. Then behind them the lift carrying the golf-cart appears and stops, making noise. When the Jedi turn around, the cart's headlights blare on and it starts roaring down the hall)

?: Yeaaaaaaaaa! (Beeps the little horn)

(The Jedi turn and run in desperation as the cart's gaining on them. Suddenly they fall through a hole in the floor and slide down a chute. They fall through some hangers getting strait jackets wrapped around them, then they crash somewhere. When they get up they notice the dozens of soldiers cocking and aiming their weapons at them. Then the maniac comes falling behind them, lands on his hands, and pushes himself toward the crowd and lands nicely. He gets up and turns around to face the Jedi)

?: Ah, if it isn't the legendary Jedi.

Sara: And who the heck might you be?

?: I am the great General Mis-CHIE-vous.

Anna: (Confused) Mischievous?

Mischievous: Mis-CHIE-vous! You know, like GRIE-vous but is really Mis-CHIE-vous. Get it right, morons.

Copeland: What do you want?

Mischievous: I am here to escort you... (Raises his cape) to your doom!

Joseph: We'll see about that (The Jedi struggle but soon stop) I'm stuck, and I can't choke you. Oh No! Ysalamiri-skinned strait jackets!

Mischievous: Yes. You didn't actually think I wouldn't be prepared, did you? Now, if you would kindly follow... Hey!

(The Jedi are busy kicking and head-butting the soldiers. After taking many out they have their legs chained together)

Mischievous: You Jedi are gonna be quite the pests, aren't you?

Jared: You bet your sweet ship fic.

Mischievous: Fine, come and I will show you your precious galaxy's demise. Ya ha ha!

Copeland: Your laugh sucks.

Mischievous: Shut up!

(They walk away. Soon they're in the control room, with the Jedi strapped in chairs as techs are busily working at their consoles as Mischievous watches over them)

Mischievous: What you are about to see is the rebirth of the Fanboy Republic under my rule and the beginning of true harmony. Behold!

(Suddenly the large window lights up to reveal a very large, cavernous, practically empty area with a cannon-skeletal-like structure in the middle, being very tall with a surrounding walkway made of rock. At the top there is a smaller yet still big hole leading to the surface)

Mischievous: What you see before you is the ultimate Nerd weapon: The Groove Gun! This technological achievement can fire a concentrated stream of pure rhythm and dance at any planet in the galaxy due to this planet's erratic orbit and rotation. We harness the core of this planet to make the Groove Beam more spicy, so as to make it more efficient and have a longer lasting effect. This means the targeted planet will party longer and harder, rendering them more helpless. But what's a weapon lecture without a demonstration? Master Technician, fire a beam at Coruscant!

(The techs start prepping the weapon and it starts to hum and rumble. After it's heated up, a button press discharges a searing-hot beam up the middle of the structure and out of the planet. Eventually the beam reaches and hits Coruscant, swathing it in orange energy that soon dissipates. Then the entire planetary population starts dancing to a Venga Boys song that suddenly starts playing. Back at the control room...)

Tech: Receiving video feedback from Coruscant.

(Mischievous goes over to the computer screen)

Mischievous: Yes! The whole planet dances before my power! Oh look! A dancing Wookiee! Oh, this is just jolly good fun, ha ha! So, what do you think of your galaxy's doom?

Anna: (After some silence) That. Has. Got to be the STUPIDEST galactic domination plan I've ever heard! At first I thought the Cutesy Cannon and Boobie Fettish was terrible, but a freakin' Groove Gun!? My God you people must be utter brain-dead man-children to have wasted your time building a dance ray! If you could harness the power of a planet's core, why not make a Death Star-like weapon, huh? You people are just so-

Mischievous: SHUT THE **** UPPPPPPP!

(Everything goes quiet)

Mischievous: I'm tired of you hurting my feelings like my oppressive and criticizing parents and those stupid a**-hole jocks at school. Now I will kill you!

(Some time later, we find the Jedi standing and being escorted to the window which has been removed to put in a plank that leads over the dark abyss. Squishy is pushed onto the plank)

Mischievous: In a most fitting death, each one of you will be dropped into the core of the planet. Your very essence will be absorbed into the Gun and thus make a more potent Groove Beam.

Anna: Now that's just dumb.

Mischievous: That's about enough from you! Now, Squishy, you can either obey us and jump off the plank, or we torture you horribly before killing you.

Squishy: Ummm... I choose option 1.

Mischievous: Good choice. Now walk to the end of the Plank of Death.

Anna: Lame!

Mischievous: Gag her!

(Anna is gagged. Squishy then walks to the end of the plank and looks down at his impending death. He then looks around and behind him to familiar Star Wars music. He then eyes R2-D2, who's hiding in a corner. Squishy nods his head and a hole opens in R2's dome. Then Squishy turns around, and jumps backwards as R2 fires off a lightsaber. Squishy uses his chin to grab the plank edge and propel himself back onto the plank, grabbing and lighting the lightsaber in his mouth. He then cuts off his straitjacket and cuts off the straitjackets of the other Jedi who go after the guards to blaring Star Wars music.)

Mischievous: Hey, where'd that droid come from? Kill them!

(The Jedi set out besting all the guards. Some wield blasters, some have axes, some trying to sing like Tom Jones. They keep on slicing, dicing, bashing and throwing all sorts of persons until the Jedi stop. Before them is a floor of bodies, body-strewn computers, bodies and parts of bodies hanging from or stuck in the ceiling, and various holes and stuck bodies in the walls. They turn to Mischievous)

Copeland: All right, Mis-CHIE-vous. You're coming with us for defiling the good name of the FloodTM and to smack some sense into you.

Mischievous: Smack some sense? Boy, you're talking to one of the few physically fit nerds around here that also happens to have serious anger issues. Plus, I have this.

(He removes his cape, pulls out two lightsabers, then another two arms and lightsabers arise, and all lightsabers light up)

Mischievous: I spent a good $5000 to have these made and connected to my nervous system. Impressed?

Anna: You just may have some redeeming qualities. Then again, you're hopelessly obsessed with your personal fantasy.

Mischievous: Let's see you talk after I ram a lightsaber down your throat. Bring it!

(They go about fighting. All over the control room the enemies engage in a deadly ballet of lights and acrobatics, with plenty of moments done in slo-mo. When Copeland kicks Mischievous to one side of the room, he picks up a bewildered R2 and tosses him at the Jedi, who dodge him as he flys out the windows and beeps and boops his way to his demise)

Copeland: You killed R2!

Mischievous: You could've let him hit you and let me finish you off.

Sara: You ****ard! Die!

(They continue fighting until Mischievous loses all his lightsabers and is tossed behind a console)

Jared: Give it up. You're no match for us anymore.

Mischievous: (Whispers) Don't be so sure...

(He then rises and tosses two EMP bombs at the Jedi, which deactivate their lightsabers. Then he leaps into the middle and spins with arms raised knocking out all but Squishy and Copeland)

Mischievous: Now it's a little more fair here.

Copeland: You're so going to regret doing that.

Squishy: Banzai!

(They then go about kung-fu fighting. They block, receive, and return all sorts of kicks, punches and special attacks. Soon Mischievous chases Squishy up a wall, where he jumps off and ends up behind the freak. Then he rips off his two fake arms, waves them in an odd fashion while making silly noises, then goes about smacking and slapping Mischievous until he knocks them aside, picks up Squishy and tosses him aside. Then he and Copeland engage in a round of Street Fighter IITM, with Mischievous showing fighting styles similar to Blanca and Chun-Li. It's a close fight but Copeland ends up stunning Mischievous and hitting him with a Hadoken, sending Mischievous flying and groaning out the window in slo-mo. He crashes onto the cannon surrounding platform as the Jedi start getting up)

Anna: Well that was a cheap shot.

Copeland: He's still alive! Let's get him!

Joseph: Yeah, let's finish this!

Sara: For R2!

Jared: For honor!

Squishy: Kublah!

(They leap from the control room and onto the platform before Mischievous' crumpled form. He slowly raises with a hand to his chest panting)

Mischievous: You think this is over, but it's not! On that floating platform over there are the override controls. With it, I can rapid-fire shots throughout the galaxy and even set a self-destruct. (Stands straighter and flashes out his arms) You hear me!? I will win this one way or another! You will not win! I am the true victor here, and none of your Jedi skills can stop-

(The screen darkens, there's a streak of light and the world stops as a mysterious figure with a sword appears behind Mischievous, crouched. The figure sheaths his sword as a box on Mischievous' chest breaks in half. Mischievous speaks like a typical nerd with a lisp problem.)

Mischievous: Ah! He broke my voice modulator. All well, there's still the sweet release of death.

(He puts a gun to his head and shoots his brains out. The Jedi look up shocked as the figure slowly stands up with his back to them)

?: Hm. He was too entrenched in his fantasy to survive in the real world.

(The person turns around to reveal himself as...)

All: Bill Gates!

Gates: That's right. You wouldn't think I'd let you get away with this many copyright infringements, DID YA!? (He turns around, looking at the structure and thinking) Hm... Yes... A weapon that can make any planet in the galaxy dance nonstop. I see a fair trade here: You take my game, I take you little gun here. That would be the sensible way to handle this.

Joseph: Now, Mr. Gates, you can't be-

Gates: That's BILL GATES! I didn't work hard to own half the world to be bombarded with formalities!

Anna: Okay, Bill Gates, you can't really be serious. I mean, this gun can be destructive on a galactic scale, as well as ridiculous beyond all h***.

Gates: So was my game, but that didn't stop you from stealing it now did it? It's only fair I take something of equal value and make the galaxy dance for me, while I make dance products that will get me even more money. It would be most grand.

Copeland: Okay, Gates! If you won't listen to reason, we'll have to force you to. (He and others light their lightsabers)

Gates: Yet again you butcher my name despite many copyright laws on how it's supposed to be said! (Adjusts glasses) Very well, rather than normally suing you (leaps high onto platform floating behind him) I'll simply DESTROY YOU!

(To a steady organ beat, Gates raises his arms out and summons forth all sorts of mechanical parts and pieces that rise with him and the platform. The parts combine and fuse together to form long long arms and legs and large hands, which all attach to the platform. Then the platform gets some added armor as Gates is strapped outside. With a triangular torso and long appendages, the abomination is complete)

Gates: Behold my highly original creation: X-Machine, Mega Corporate Battle Mech! Ya ha, ha, ha, ha.

(The machine raises it's arms to strengthen the effect of the laugh)

Anna: What the heck!? This isn't much like Bill Gates!

Squishy: He's not Bill Gates.

All: What!?

(Close up of laughing Gates, who opens his eyes to reveal a blue glow)

Squishy: He's been possessed by Darth Kangaroo. He's back.

Kangaroo: Good deduction, mortals. Did you actually think that fool Vidiot finished me off? As long as I'm in spirit form I will always be there, and nothing with any spec of intellect is safe from me! Now face my wrath!

Squishy: Okay guys. This is the real deal. Let's do this old-school.

(The Jedi take positions around the X-Machine and engage in Chrono Trigger-style combat. They each perform single, double and triple tech attacks and magic attacks, but when they perform their Mega Force Combination Strike, it only manages to do decent damage. As for the X-Machine, it performs such attacks as Copyright Statement and Stock Portfolio w/t Boredom Effect. After the Jedi perform their ultimate attack, the machine unleashes it's own: Business Foreclosure, which reduces everyone's HP down to 1)

Jared: He's too powerful!

Copeland: I think we should run, but there's no escape option.

Sara: Darn radical battle setup decisions!

Squishy: I've got this covered. Hang on tight!

(He then performs "Heal & Run", which restores everyone's HP and removes them from battle, with abysmal battle results being screened a little later. Turn to guys running and hiding behind some crates)

Joseph: Guys, I think we're screwed.

Anna: I think it's best we leave the planet and nuke everything from orbit.

Squishy: No! We can't just leave! While we're gone, who knows how many planets will succumb to the dance. We finish this now!

Kangaroo: Oh sure, go on and say that, since YOU are the Jedi with greatest potential here, and would be the only one to actually have a chance at stopping me. Hence why I will now turn you.

(The X-Machine sticks an arm out toward Squishy which forms a dark ball, hypnotizing him)

Kangaroo: Yes. Stop this nonsense. Join the Dark Side. I will guarantee that you will achieve utter greatness. I can put you into a form that will make the ultimate gamer. Join me and we will make the galaxy dance to OUR songs!

(After a while Squishy looks over at his friends who look doubtful. Then he turns back and with a flick of a wrist he dissipates the ball and talks slow and serious)

Squishy: No. I will not become you. I am a Jawa, like my father before me. Besides, I've got the spirit of Lord Vidiot within me, making me the ultimate gamer already!

Kangaroo: (Smirk) So Vidiot is in you. You have his strengths, but you also have his weaknesses. You fail to see the true potential of utilizing the Dark Side, and for that you will die horribly!

Anna: Not without us having a say in this!

Kangaroo: What can you do? You can barely put a dent in me even with your ultimate attack.

Copeland: Oh, he's right. What should we do?

Squishy: Hmmmm... (Alderaan appears over hi head and explodes) I got it! (He then pulls out a long pole that looks like Yuna's summoning pole from Final Fantasy X, then throws it over to Sara) Sara, catch!

(Sara catches the pole)

Sara: What's this?

Squishy: Start dancing!

Sara: Huh? Why? What to?

Squishy: Whatever's in your heart, just do it!

Joseph: What're you doing, Squishy?

Squishy: Trust me. Just band together and focus your energy on her and stay quiet.

(They band together and the noise tones down. Sara looks at the pole confusedly, then shrugs and takes position. Then, to Final Fantasy Theme Music, Sara starts slow dancing and twirling the pole in an odd, tranquil fashion)

Kangaroo: Huh?

(Suddenly parts starts floating in from everywhere and start fusing together opposite of the X-Machine. They start forming another appendaged machine that's blue and has a head. It is soon complete)

Squishy: Now complete the summoning.

(Sara holds the pole out in front of her and a glowing light grows from it. Then blue energy leaves it and enters the machine. It then opens it's eyes and starts moving. Squishy folds his arms smugly)

Squishy: Say hello to Will-Bot 2.0.

Sara: Will!?

(The bot starts looking at and testing it's arms and hands)

Will: Cool. Alright, you're going down you egotistical, mega-rich conglomerate!

Kangaroo: Ha! I'll teach you how to speak proper, starting with the words "You've been Pwned!" Let's get it on!

(The combatants then engage in a battle of Rock-Em Sock-Em Robots, each one of them exchanging fast but equal blows. After a few heads have been raised, a bell rings and a guy in a bikini walks out holding up a card saying "Round 2". The machines then engage in a game of Super Punch-Out, each dealing various blows to each other)

Squishy: Watch out for his Insta-Kill Tornado Attack!

(Taking heed of that advice, Will backs away as the X-Machine charges and unleashes a devastating whirl attack that misses Will entirely. While it's dazed, Will finishes it off with a few jabs and a powerful upper-cut. This leaves the X-Machine to bend on one knee in exhaustion)

Kangaroo: (Pant)(Pant) No! (Pant) I can't use my special powers or my missiles!

Squishy: Okay guys! Now we are equal with him. It's time for dance off!

Kangaroo: You dare challenge my moves!? Fine, prepare to get schooled on how it's really done on the Sith siiide!

(They then partake in a dance-off/simon-says battle similar to Space Channel 5, where the enemy does some moves and the other side has to repeat them right down to the proper sequence and rhythm. As Space Channel 5 music plays, the dancing gets more intense as singing gets involved and everyone shows off their skill. Eventually the X-Machine starts to short circuit)

Kangaroo: Nooooooo! Your moves are too smooth! But I can't let you live! Prepare for my Main Core Blast, suckas!

Squishy: This is it! He's gonna open the machine's core! Focus your energies into my lightsaber every time your hear "chu".

Anna: What?

Squishy: Just do it!

(Then they go into dance finale. To the beat, the X-Machine preps and opens it's chest to reveal a charging core. Then in the same sequence the Jedi focus their energy into Squishy's lightsaber, which charges and fires a powerful beam into the core. This causes the behemoth to course with electricity and bend inwards. After some anticipated waiting, the X-Machine bursts outwards and regains itself)

Kangaroo: Ha! Did you think a machine born from groove could be destroyed BY groove? You forget: I am invincible! And none of your tricks can stop me! Bwahahahahahahahaha!

(Turn to outside beach. The sleeping private wakes and looks over his cover to see the battle over and marines dragging stunned nerds to their cliff base. He then notices the large, paint-splattered plasma grenade launcher right next to him. He hefts up the launcher and aims at the base)

Marine: Hey! He's got a launcher! Get down!

(The private shakes as he tries to aim, then he fires a large plasma grenade that pushes him backwards. The grenade goes into a high arc missing the base entirely. It falls into the hole at the top of the Ziggurat-structure and bounces off the walls downwards. Meanwhile...)

Kangaroo: Ha ha ha! Nothing can stop me! I'm the greatest Sith of all time!

Copeland: Will you just shut up already!

Kangaroo: No! I can kill you right now, but I feel like boasting a little longer, so Ha ha! You Jedi suck! I rule! Vidiot was a fool! I'm #1! Wooooo!

(As he's talking the plasma grenade falls in and sticks to the X-Machine's back)

Kangaroo: Huh? Eeeek! What's this thing on my back!? Aaah! Plasma grenade! Get it off me! Get it off MEEEEE!

(As the X-Machine moves around wildly it falls off the walkway and plunges into the planet's center. Soon after there's a very powerful, loud explosion and blinding flash)

Kangaroo: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

(There are violent tremors all over the planet. As they continue some parts start splitting and many mountains break apart. On the Noisy Starcharter the cliffs and base start falling apart and the Ziggurat-structure crumbles. Back to the Jedi, after the light clears up it's shown that the Groove Gun is pretty devastated and the cavern walls lined with fissures. Then a small, blue ball of gaseous light flys up and lands onto the platform.

Ball: Ugh... Curses! Defeated again! No matter; as long as I'm still a spirit, the galaxy will never be safe from me!

Squishy: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, Kangaroo.

(Show Squishy standing next to ball. Then he whips out an industrial-sized vacuum labeled "Soul Sucker" which pulls in the ball into a vortex of wind)

Kangaroo: No! I'm sucking! I'm sucking! What a world, what a world! Who could've thought a good Jawa such as you could destroy my gloriousness! I'm sucking! Wahh, wahhhhhh!

(The ball is finally sucked into the vacuum, which Squishy turns off)

Squishy: Guess that's something we need to send into a sun sometime.

(Everything stops and Squishy walks up to the TV screen)

Squishy: Ladies and gentlemen. To set the mood for out next scene, our next music piece will be played by our special guest, Nobuo Uematsu. Take it away, Uematsu-san.

(Turn to Uematsu at a sound board and piano, who then starts playing sad music from any one of his games [You decide]. Balls of light suddenly appear around the Jedi and form into a transparent Will in front of Sara)

Sara: Will?

Will: Yes Sara. It's me.

Sara: Will! You're alright! I knew I couldn't have killed you by accident or any reason.

Will: Well, you actually did kill me. I'm just a spirit now.

Sara: Oh... But you're still here and will be with us from now on!

Will: I hate to say this, but I won't. I only came to help you, and I'm going away very soon.

Sara: Will, don't say that, you'll always be with us.

Will: I'm sorry, Sara. (Places spectral hand on Sara's cheek) You can handle things by yourself now, you don't need me anymore.

Sara: No, Will! We still need you! I still need you! You can't just leave us!

Will: Listen to me, Sara. You have to stay strong for me and for the galaxy. You have to learn to let things go so you can be strong and able to protect others. (Withdraws hand)

Sara: Will! Please!

Will: …

(Sad music still plays. Some Jedi get all teary eyed at this)

Squishy: Oh, hold me Anna! (Tries to hug Anna)

Anna: Keep off! (Shoves Squishy offscreen and there's a crashing noise. After a pause)

Sara: Alright... I'll be strong, for you, for me, for everyone. I'll do my best for the galaxy.

Will: That's my girl. Remember, I'll always be with you in your heart and memories forever.

Sara: Oh Will, that's so cheesy.

Will: So what? I'll still be there. Well, good-bye Sara. Remember to stay strong. (Vanishes and turns into light ball)

Sara: Goodbye Will. I will be strong, I swear!

(The balls then zip to the hole in the caverns top and zoom off to space. There is silence among the Jedi, until Joseph claps his hands)

Joseph: Well! Who's ready to celebrate.

Jared: Can it be a dance-themed celebration?

Joseph: Heck yeah!

Squishy: Then let's go!

All: Yea!

(As victory music plays they head for Coruscant. It stops abruptly once they get there, finding everything quiet and strewn with party favors)

Anna: What the heck happened?

Copeland: Excuse me, Random Passing Elder. Where is everyone?

Senior: Well, everyone's at their homes recuperating from the big dance party that stopped some time ago for some reason.

Jared: What!? You mean there's no one for me to get down with?

Joseph: Now look, sir! Me and my fellow comrades have just finished saving the galaxy (again!) and came here expecting to boogie, so if no one's here to boogie, how are we to boogie to our hardiest?

Senior: I don't know, but I suggest that you get hip with the lingo and lose that "boogie" crap, bi****ch. (Walks away from a flustered Joseph)

Sara: Ooh! I know what we can do.

(The Jedi go back to Oceania, repair the Groove Gun, and hit Coruscant with a 3-day dance dose. They then go back and get jiggy with the thankful populous and dance the night away like the previous movie. Turn to credits where all the characters seen in the movie dance across the galaxy on a starlight path while moving to Ending Credits from "Space Channel 5 Part 2" with some cast including various nerds, Marines and all villains who died. After the credits we turn to the last day of dancing on Coruscant, we see Sergeant Chris walk into a quiet and empty café in a higher part of the city. He sits on a couch and lets out a loud sigh)

Chris: Wow. What a party.

(His right arm comes up with the hand making a hand puppet)

Chris: Oh, hey there.

(The hand makes mouth movements)

Chris: What's that? Why would you need arm gloves? I have no idea why you would need them. What... Yes. I get it. What of this plan you're blabbing about. (Pause) How do you know it's great? (Pause) Ah, I see. I still think Squishy could prove difficult. (Pause) Yes. Yes. Okay, but why must I cooperate? I'm just a sergeant after all. (Pause) Right, you did give me arms and legs after all. Okay, I'll do my best. Anything else? (Pause) Sure, I'll shave you. Come along then... Henry.

**The End...?**

(Duuuuuuuun!)


End file.
